As dust begins to settle on Ben Affleck’s casting as the Dark Knight and attention now turns to the Superman/Batman movie itself, I thought it would an ideally opportunity to suggest a few ot
As dust begins to settle on Ben Affleck’s casting as the Dark Knight and attention now turns to the Superman/Batman movie itself, I thought it would an ideally opportunity to suggest a few other punch ups that we’d all love to see on the big screen.
John Rambo vs. John McClane
The battle of the ‘Johns’, doesn’t quite have a ring to it does it? But for any action movie fan this would be a fantastic fight to witness. Of course the initial assumption would be that that a wisecracking New York cop is no match for a hardened Vietnam veteran but if we’ve learned anything from Bruce Willis’ since his first outing of the vest wearing no shoes copper back in 1988, its never to right the man off.
He’s survived four times (I know its technically five, but we’re all trying to forget that one aren’t we?) against some of the world’s most fiercest terrorists but then he’s not taken down an entire country’s army – he’s come close mind but for the moment John Rambo has one up on him. Who would win in a punch up? MCclane can’t really fight. In fact, he usually gets his arse handed to him, once by a chick, while Rambo pulls people’s throats out with relative ease. Unfortunately for McClane I’d have to side with the majority on this one—Rambo would defeat him with ease.
Fight rating: 4/10
Winner: John Rambo
James Bond vs. Jason Bourne
The battle of the super agents: one a charmer and womaniser the other one, a recluse, shadow and bruiser. Two men you’d be equally happy with on your country’s side at its darkest hour but who would come out on top? To answer this question, I’m only looking at Daniel Craig as 007, arguably the best bond ever (disagree? Bite me). Craig has changed the maverick agent into a vulnerable and emotional man which gives any story of Bond a new appeal.
However that emotion would cost him in a battle with Bourne, who while susceptible to odd bout of teary eye syndrome himself, avoids totally raiding the headquarters of Kleenex. Both can punch their way out of a dilemma but Bourne does so without the gadgets, flash cars or his government’s intelligence agency. Bourne is his own man, his fists and he against the world so to speak—Bond wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Fight rating: 6/10
Winner: Jason Bourne
Gabby Agbonlahor vs. Boy bands
Strictly speaking not Hollywood stars but after the Aston Villa striker took out One Directions’ Louis Tomlinson in a charity match, Gabby gathered worldwide attention and most of it wasn’t pleasant. The One Direction teenyboppers set about throwing abuse at the 26-year-old as he left Tomlinson in a heap on the floor, after a more than fair challenge.
So with one down, why shouldn’t the pacey footballer go after the rest of world’s annoying boy bands? He could quite easily defeat the final 4 of 1D, probably all in one sitting and then head off to find Jedward, Union J and even Ellie Goulding if he’s feeling extra generous.
Fight rating: 9/10
Winner: Gabby Agbonlahor
Meg Griffin vs. Lisa Simpson
The two daughters of animated TV’s most dysfunctional families, one clever and confident and the other not so bright and the black sheep of the family yet both are without friends and perhaps more a like then any other of their family members. We’ll find out next year in the Family Guy/Simpsons cross episode whether they’ll be come enemies or friends, so this is one fight we may get to see!
Who will win? It’ll be an even fight, Lisa could use her arsenal of books against Meg, but that may not be enough as we’ve seen the Griffin daughter prone to lapses of sudden and repressed anger. All the abuse suffered at home may just erupt and give Meg the victory in a fist fight against her animator adversary.
Fight rating: 5/10
Winner: Meg Griffin
Superman vs. Batman
So finally we address the real purpose of this article, the battle between the two cape crusaders and I really have to refrain from all out criticising the idea of this film. You should, if we’re being realistic (and yes I know, Hollywood is anything but that), be able to sum this battle up within a sentence—simply, Superman.
Let’s look at what we’ve got—a flying super human who is capable of throwing asteroids the size of Texas back out of the earth’s atmosphere against an unstable billionaire with dodgy knees. We all know what happens in the comic, Batman defeats Superman and no doubt the Hollywood script writers will follow that route and yet I don’t agree and the fact that a super human should without excuse defeat a mere mortal, Superman wins and with ease.
Fight Rating: 2/10