sex & relationships

A guide to break-ups: how to survive heart break

KettleMag, sex life, how to, guide, sex & relationships, break up, broken heart
Written by charllbowles

We’ve all been through a heart break at least once in our lives, and we hope as we get older they become easier than the last. But unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Going from being all loved up and feeling like the happiest person in the world, to pretty much feeling as though your heart has been ripped out by another person with their own bare hands is tough. How do we get through these disastrous situations without feeling insane?

Everyone reacts differently to break-ups. Some people bottle up their emotions, some people cry days on end, some people turn to alcohol – it alters from person to person. Being told you’re no longer loved or wanted is definitely enough to turn someone angry and lose control of their emotions. But how can we handle this uncontrollable urge to punch that newly ex-partner in the face?

There are many articles out there already giving lists on how to get over a break-up, trust me… I’ve had a look. But after very recently going through a really hard break-up I thought I’d share my own guidance:

1. Allow yourself to be angry, upset, confused, etc.

You’re allowed to feel like your world is ending, but trust me it isn’t. After you’ve found out your significant other doesn’t want you anymore then don’t be afraid to scream or cry. If you want to rip up every photo you see of you and your partner, go ahead! In my experience, stealing about 6 toilet rolls from their room whilst they’re at university happens to be very satisfying (hey, I’m a student and I’m slightly poor – don’t judge!)

2. Cry

Crying is a stress reliever, and if you don’t want to cry on someone else’s shoulder, then go to your room and let it out. You’ll still feel miserable afterwards (sorry but that’s the truth) but it does help; there is no need to bottle up emotions because one day you’ll just crack and who knows what will happen.

3. Spend time with family

If you live away from family, or close friends, then I suggest you go home as soon as possible. Instead of ordering takeaways and hiding away in your bed feeling sorry for yourself, get your parents/guardians to cook your favourite meals. Parents are understanding, they’ll support you and cheer you up. Get some good advice from your mum, get a good night’s sleep, and leave your worries behind for a little while.

4. Look good, feel good

This is genuinely one of my mottos in life and it actually works. Get a haircut, do your nails, get your eyebrows done, do your makeup, wear your favourite outfit – look fab. This is what I did on the 2nd day after the break up and I’m starting to feel good. Feeling good about yourself boosts self-confidence. You don’t need a guy to tell you you’re beautiful.

5. Positivity

I’m aware that being positive isn’t exactly how you’ll be feeling after a break up; sometimes you’ll feel good about yourself but then you’ll remember you’re lonely and you’ll go back into slight depression. It is a vicious cycle – I know. But surrounding yourself with positive thoughts, positive people, and positive atmospheres will help ease the pain.

6. Time with friends

Spend some time with close friends. Secretly you may be feeling like your dying inside and seeing everyone around you happy is a bit saddening, but having company of people that care about you is a lot better than hiding away in your room. You most probably want to scream at your ex-partner, I don’t blame you. Being left alone, confused and heart-broken isn’t exactly ideal. But be strong, we don’t need some jerk to make us feel loved.

Life isn’t all about love anyway, try focus on yourself for a change. There is much more to life than being in a relationship; yeah it may feel good to be adored, but there is a time for relationships and maybe it just isn’t your time. People change, and life changes every minute. Life comes with no guarantees, you just have to live it to the fullest. You’ve been hurt before, and unfortunately it’s likely to happen again – but don’t be afraid to take chances. Live in the moment.

If you missed our last guide, you can find Nicole Record’s guide to spicing up your sex life here.