sex & relationships

A guide to spicing up your sex life: the do’s and don’ts

KettleMag, sex life, how to, guide, sex & relationships
Written by Nicole Record

With the release of Fifty Shades of Grey and Valentine’s Day just behind us, I’m sure a lot of you are wondering, “Why isn’t my sex life like that?”

There are plenty of ways to make things a bit more exciting in the bedroom department, but there are a few do’s and don’ts you might want to consider before jumping in head first (no pun intended). 


  • Talk about sex: Firstly, it would be best to chat to your partner about what you’re both comfortable with, and what you’ll never do in a million years. You don’t want any of those awkward, “I put it in the wrong hole by ‘accident'” moments! 
  • Be confident: Having confidence is the key to a healthy sex life, if you’re both confident in yourselves, there’s nothing to stop you trying out new things.
  • Set the mood: Starting off with a gentle massage, some candles lit and soft music playing can help a lot. If both you and your partner are relaxed, you’re more likely to have sex and enjoy it. 
  • Try something new: Try different positions, mix it up a little bit. Heck, buy the Karma Sutra and let your imagination run wild! 
  • Sext!: This will get the blood pumping and certainly add some excitement for when you next meet up. Say what you want to do to each other, or what you want them to do to you. If you don’t have the confidence to say it in person this can really give your partner an insight into what you like. 
  • Try somewhere new: If you’re into the idea of possibly getting caught, try doing things in places you shouldn’t. It doesn’t have to be anywhere public, even somewhere like the kitchen side could add a little excitement. 
  • Kiss more: Kissing is intimate and adds passion to the experience, making it more personal. 
  • Dress up: Whether it be sexy lingerie or fancy dress, if your partner finds it sexy and you don’t mind, there’s nothing to lose!


  • Involve food: Do not involve food. It can get messy, and not in a sexy way. If you’re into that sort of thing, try flavoured lube or edible body chocolate, unless you want to be covered in your partner’s favourite food, which could be anything from ice cream to mash potato. 
  • Avoid public toilets: No matter how desperate you are, the majority of you will most likely regret it afterwards. Come on guys, people do their business in there. 
  • Don’t be selfish: Make sure both you and your partner are having the best possible experience. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment, but it will feel better if your partner is enjoying it as much as you are.
  • Be rough: Don’t be rough with your partner unless you know they’re ok with it. The last thing you want is to hurt them. 
  • Forget to make an effort: Try to avoid wearing your old granny panties or old, were once white but now grey boxers. Unless your partner finds it sexy, but they probably don’t. Getting too comfortable in a relationship isn’t always a plus. 
  • Leave the TV on: Don’t have programs on while you’re getting kinky. Mute the TV or set up a playlist if you need too, because hearing Mock the Week in the background and trying not to laugh is ever so distracting. 
  • Publicise it: Try to refrain from calling your friends and telling them all about the sex you just had, or, better yet, playing “I just had sex” down the phone to them. Have a little respect and do it when your partner isn’t around, and keep it a secret forever unless you never want sex again. 
  • Do anything you’re uncomfortable with: Lastly and most importantly, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. If someone cares about you, they’ll understand.

If you missed our last guide, you can find Kayley Gilbert’s guide to writing the perfect heartfelt Valentine’s message here.