sex & relationships

The waiting game

Kettlemag, Sex, Relationships, Grow Up, Becky Lancanshire
Written by Becky Lancashire

“Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on what we’re waiting for”. True. And yet, we have increasingly become a society of impatience and carelessness, meaning waiting is rarely on the agenda, even for the things that really do matter…

When I was 15, all of my friends would talk about sex. They would ask if I’d “done it” like they had while I, the nerdy kid with un-plucked eyebrows and a truly terrible sense of fashion, hadn’t even had a real boyfriend yet, never mind contemplated taking my clothes off. They would gossip about the wild parties they’d been to over the weekend and who they’d hooked up with, something that placed worlds between where my friends were mentally (or where they thought they were), and where I was.

Looking back on those times, I have no regrets. I see that being the reserved kid in the corner trying to piece together all the sex jargon my friends would shout about was actually a blessing; I mean all I knew of 69 was that it’s a composite number, what else?!

Because at that age, it’s easy to think that you know something or other about life. You’re leaving school, you’ve passed your exams, and you can even buy a lottery ticket if you wanted to. You know, all the things that make you feel like you’re really, properly growing up for the first time.

Pressure to grow up too fast

But that’s just it: there’s so much pressure surrounding us to grow up. To ditch the Disney Channel for going out drinking, to pass up the chance to spend time with family in order to see some older guy who seems like a good idea and, most shockingly, to wave goodbye to our innocence ASAP and enter into the big wide world of sex just because our age allows it; I mean come on people, the legal age is in place for guidance and safety, not as a challenge!

I knew at the delicate age of 15 I wasn’t ready to grow up that fast, yet those surrounding me continued to remind me that not drinking and being a virgin were both factors that made me ‘uncool’. Wrong. So very, very wrong!

You see, time flies far too fast anyway without rushing it along. One minute you’re sitting in your polka dot PJ’s with a hot chocolate and your favourite teddy on your lap, and the next you’ve got bills to pay, a job to do and a whole life of grown-up things ahead of you. Why would anyone want to throw any of that precious time away?

Sure, there were many guys who’s attention I’ve lost over the years as soon as they realised I’m not the type to hear the words “you’re beautiful” and jump into bed, but if you ask me, attention like that isn’t worth your time anyway.

“Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on what we’re waiting for”

And through not following the trend set by many of the people I knew at the age of 15, I’ve managed to meet some very special people along the way. People who cared about me, people who respected me and, most importantly, people who liked me for exactly who I am.

I’ve learnt so many valuable lessons from living my teenage years the way I have, and I hope other people can too.

  1. You should never cave into pressure, regardless of who or where the pressure is coming from;

  2. You don’t need to be or do anything to prove your worth to others;

  3. If you want to be with someone who loves you and cares about you for all the right reasons, there’s no rush: you have all the time in the world – use it.

Do you have any advice to share? Let us know in the comments below!