A wise friend once told me that ‘you only accept the love you think you deserve’ (I now know she stole that from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, but it doesn’t detract from the m
A wise friend once told me that ‘you only accept the love you think you deserve’ (I now know she stole that from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, but it doesn’t detract from the message). Having accepted that love, stuck by it and come through the other side, I still stand by that proverb. But I now have incredibly high, unfulfillable standards for the love I will accept (simply as a method of self-preservation).
However, doing this as the only single person in my closest group of friends is a hard feat to pull off. Although you try and tell yourself that you’re the freest out of any of them and that you could even come home at 3 in the morning with no one to answer to, that’s great—good for you! But how lonely does that make you feel?
And to those of you who think being single is the best thing in the world—yes, I agree with you, sometimes. But I truly wonder—how fulfilling is it for you to go out every weekend, get off your face on jaeger bombs and then end up in bed with some stranger who doesn’t give a single fuck about you? (Apart from the one you just received.)
It’s a radical opinion, and call me crazy, but in my opinion casual sex is repulsive.
A relationship isn’t the be all and end all in life, and I’m slowly learning this the hard way. But the harder you work and the more time you invest in your own endeavours, I find the more it just makes me feel like I’m doing it all as a means to an end. All my triumphs and new ventures mean very little to me without someone to share them with. Call me sentimental and needy, but I’m a die-hard romantic and always will be (and at this rate, I will die very very hard.)
I’ve learnt to accept it. I am stuck in a single-limbo. My current situation means that there is very little for me to do about it, as I’ll soon be off on a compulsory year abroad, on my own. A wonderful opportunity, some of you would surmise (and I bet you’re all coupled up too, aren’t you?).
But for someone who has a lot of love to give and no one to give it to: it’s fucking terrifying. Especially without the emotional support of someone who actually cares. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone. But whilst you’re watching your friend suck his girlfriend’s face off at yet another social gathering for the third hour in a row, I dare you to tell me to stop being bitter. I dare you.
To the next person that tells me that I’m young and to chill the hell out—I know. Thank you for your fruitless advice. I want you to take a hard look at YOURSELF and ask, am I really happy?
And say hi to your girlfriend for me whilst you’re at it.