sex & relationships

Are you really missing your ex – or are you missing intimacy?

kissing, kettle mag,
Written by Nigel Simpkins

When a relationship comes to an end, no matter who has done the dumping, there’s always a feeling of emptiness. Getting over someone is not always as quick and easy as we expect it to be. We miss seeing them, hearing from them, being close to them and sharing our worries and concerns with them. We also miss the intimate side of the relationship.

But is it that most of us just perhaps miss having someone to be close to, or is it that we actually miss that person? This can be quite a contradictory thought and one that isn’t easily answerable. Intimacy can be a physical act of love between two people, but it can also be a desire for lust.

So what is it that makes us want to jump from the frying pan into the fire?

Relationships fill us with many expectations, some of which are unrealistic. In our minds, we often plan our whole future with this person. Sometimes we cannot imagine life without them and we would do anything for them. Sometimes – it's great and it works out! But occasionally something goes wrong and the milk turns sour, we get fed up with being let down or being treated a certain way. Or we just don’t feel very loved. As time goes by, partners may also realise that their characters clash, that perhaps they don’t have that much in common, or that they have completely different desires and goals in life. When compromise cannot be established, then the problems start.

couple kissing

We Crave Love…

So many couples break up, then get back together then break up again. We get stuck on this repetitive wheel of misfortune and then wonder why we never feel satisfied. We can be madly in love with someone but not like them very much or we can fight like cat and dog but never stop loving them. Every relationship is different and it’s all too often true that couples get confused at what is real genuine, love and what has just become a habit of convenience. Interestingly, many people who have a psychic reading want guidance on their relationship or want to find out if they’re going to meet anyone in the future (if they’re single). Psychics can get insight to love and relationships and will be able to gauge whether a relationship can last long-term. They can also give you predictions about new love coming into your life, so if you're unsure where your love life is heading, then it can be reassuring. We need love and crave intimacy! We want to love someone and want to feel loved. As humans, we have a natural need to want to spend our life with a long-term mate. When relationships are difficult, this causes a great amount of confusion. Our head may be telling us to walk away, while the heartstrings are still firmly attached.

Why Do We Go Back?

In 2010, scientists found that when we're at the first stages of a breakup, subjects of a study reported thinking about the other person 85% of the time. They went on to study their brains and find out that different parts are trying to override each other, effectively exhibiting signs of addiction. We’ve all done it – gone back to an ex-partner believing that "this time" it will work out. Sometimes it does work out, but most of the time we are kidding ourselves! The makeup sex may be good, but what happens afterwards and why do we go back? Familiarity and a fear of feeling alone are the biggest reasons why we get back together with an ex. We also hate to feel sad and think that the easier solution is to get back together. Most of us know deep down inside that the relationship is unlikely to get better but somehow we feel obliged to give it just one more chance – just in case….

woman on beach

Most of us have been through relationship break-ups, so we know that we will get over it eventually, but it just takes time. Healing time after a relationship has ended is so important and ideally, we should avoid jumping into another relationship quickly, setting ourselves up for the classic rebound. For some of us, meeting someone quickly can be based purely on lust and the need to feel desired. If you don't want to get your heart broken, it's important to know the difference. Is it love or is it lust? Getting back together with an ex because you miss intimacy, isn't always the best idea either. Give yourself time, and wait for real love to come to you.