The fat lady has started her final performance on the high street, as HMV trickles meekly towards extinction.
The fat lady has started her final performance on the high street, as HMV trickles meekly towards extinction. ‘Thank you for the music’ I’m sure the red-tops will go with as their headline when the music chain closes its doors for good.
But until then, as the shop continues trading, any gift vouchers the store has sold won’t be honoured. So what to do with them now, you might be wondering as you sit in your living room, weeping solemnly over a little pile of bright coloured nothing. If you were foolish enough to purchase vouchers from a chain whose main product is available for free on the very device you are using to read this, then here are some ideas that might make those printed broken promises seem a little more worthwhile:
Origami started in the 17th century AD at the latest and became popular outside of Japan in the mid-1900s. It has since then evolved into a modern art form. So why not make your useless vouchers into a piece of priceless art?
You could keep hold of your vouchers until the next time you go to a gig, then instead of the standard flashing or fainting, why not politely ask the singer to sign your vouchers, which of course you were just about to use to buy his latest single? Then of course stick them straight on ebay. The singer’s ego is propped up and you make a few quid; everybody’s happy.
Make a fire
January is a terribly cold time; the snow, rain and plummeting temperatures mean that any source of heat is vital. It just so happens that this year, you have a few extra bits of paper that you no longer need, so why not throw them on the fire as you reminisce over the good times?
The vouchers may not be able to get you any music this winter, but they are pretty colourful. So if you have loads of them, or otherwise a tiny little room, why not jazz the place up with some sassy HMV wallpaper? In a few years time, when everyone has forgotten HMV ever existed, you can pretend you designed the wallpaper yourself.
Pretend the voucher is dog
Is music your only friend? Well, now that music has abandoned you like the smelly kid at the park who is useless at football, why not pretend that the little dog in your HMV voucher is an actual dog? He won’t fetch much, but he won’t be expensive to feed either.
‘Voucher on a fishing line’ prank
You know the one; traditionally done with money of course, as people try to lift the notes you reel it away with your fishing line, causing great laughter. Some people may not have heard about HMV refusing the vouchers, so why not go outside your nearest store and try the trick with them? A prime example may be old people, who will see the voucher and instantly start dreaming of their free copy of ‘Pat Boone’s Greatest Hits.’
Pretend you spent the vouchers
Make a little list of what you would have bought in HMV with your vouchers, then download it all for free on the internet which probably would take about 5 minutes. Then if anyone asks where you got your new favourite album, you can proudly claim ‘I got it at HMV with the vouchers I got for Christmas.’ All the while you can laugh menacingly inside, knowing you have pulled the wool over the world’s eyes.
So there you go, it isn’t all doom and gloom. These are of course just a few suggestions, if you come up with something better then why not let Kettle know? I haven’t even considered the potential the vouchers have for becoming a cool bracelet or hat, for example. The possibilites are endless, obviously apart from the possibility of spending them.