Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not really a festival kind of person (unless there’s a literature festival you want to throw at me) but this
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not really a festival kind of person (unless there’s a literature festival you want to throw at me) but this year I was offered a pair of guest tickets to Wireless in Finsbury Park, so decided to don my wellies and man up a little.
But, as it turns out, I didn’t really need to, as Wireless turned out to be one of the nicest, cleanest, happiest festivals out there (verified by my friend who has braved everything from Reading to Isle of Wight).
Usually, festivals are all about the experience of getting dirty in and amongst the crowds, but at Wireless roughing it is totally optional. If you have the money to stretch to a VIP package, I’d say do it, because the guest area is truly impressive.
Not only do you skip the queues with your own entrance and exit to the festival site, but there are bars and gourmet catering units that have a hint of Wilderness about them – decorated with bean bags and Chinese lanterns. Oh, and the toilets are first class.
But if you want to muck it with everyone else, you’re not going to be missing out on much, as the whole festival was organised, tidy and well-staffed – Huge kudos to the event staff and police, who guide you in from the tube station and keep the queues moving throughout the day. It’s reassuring to see cleaners standing guard over the toilets, as well as some of the best festival food in the business. Homemade risotto, anyone?
Surrounded by people who are wildly enthusiastic about the music
And then, of course, there’s the music. It’s nice to be surrounded by people who are wildly enthusiastic about the music, without being so obsessed that they’d use small knives to get to the barriers. Everyone was pretty courteous and aware of their surroundings and even I, at a lowly 4 ft. 11, had no problem seeing the main stage because people were happy to move over for me.
The controversy of Kanye’s poor performance on Saturday had mercifully disappeared by the last day of the festival, the weather was glorious and live bands seemed to be the order of Sunday. John Newman rocked the stage for an hour in the afternoon, with a live band dressed like a classy 80s mafia mob.
Elsewhere, Sean Paul played a cosy show to loyal fans on the Boombox stage, and those who wanted to rave headed to the Pepsi Max stage for Neon Jungle (not the one to take your kids to but great for a crush of bodies and a lot of cider).
But, the main stage was undoubtedly the place to be, as Ellie Goulding and Outkast played out the evening, getting everyone steamed up and ready for the final show – the smoothest singer known to man, Bruno Mars.
Bruno’s silky vocals and mesmerising hip thrusts kept the crowd entertained for well over an hour, alongside the amazing choreography from his band, The Hooligans. ‘Ladies, put your phones down,’ he chrooned. ‘F*** your Twitter and your Instagram.’
Everyone, and I mean everyone, put their phones in their pockets. Mars and his band played all their best hits, as well as adding some musical extras, plenty of winking and Bruno’s epic, encore drum solo. As the light faded a rainbow lingered in the sky for a while, before fireworks lit up the park and Mars’ charming smile.
With one final hip rotation, he brought the festival to a stunning close, and as we pushed our way through the crowds to the exit, we overheard one girl faintly gasp ‘I just want to have sex with him right now.’ Don’t. We. All.
The get-out was simple and quick, manned by friendly police on horses who were more than willing to take a few selfies. One girl in the queue for the Tube turned to us, smiled and politely said ‘I’m absolutely sloshed.’ And that just about sums it up.
A great day out for the festival novice, full of well-behaved people, there to soak up the sunshine and some excellent music, have an ostrich burger and a cocktail, take a few photos in The Selfie Booth and head on home, happy and loved up on life.
What did you think of this year’s Wireless festival? Let us know your best bits in the comments below!