sex & relationships

The updated rules to dating

kettlemag, sex, relationships, dating, first date, rules
Written by HarrietKing

With social media and dating apps, the dating ‘game’ has become easier than ever. There are also loads of dating books, columns in magazines and online articles that offer great advice. However, many dating rules have become outdated. For example: the guy must always pay, waiting three days to reply back to their text or call, waiting for the guy to make the first move and sealing the date with a kiss.

Here are my updated rules for dating:

What do you want?

Firstly, ask yourself this: what do I want out of dating? Are you looking for a relationship or just a bit of fun? The dating ‘game’ revolves around making the right pro-active choices — and this means that if you’re ready for a serious relationship, you have to be clear about your goals, both to yourself and prospective partners.

Playing the field

Although there’s no rule to say you only have to date one person at a time, just be careful. Other people view dating as a serious matter rather than casual. Without jumping the gun you need to find out the other person’s views on dating. They too might be seeing other people. How does that make you feel? Used? Worried? Like you’re wasting your time? Maybe even relieved? It’s probably better to date someone with the same dating goals as you, or it could get messy.


For the first date, suggest something casual such as going for coffee or drinks. Especially if you’re new to the dating scene. Arranging a bowling trip and a meal takes up time – and you might not be that keen on them. Having drinks in a popular bar or restaurant is a good place to start.

Making the first move

Moreover, don’t expect the other person to make the first move. They might be as shy as you and it could be weeks before either of you hints at the idea of a date. Everyone loves being asked out, so be brave and make the first move. Suggest going for out for a drink. If they live nearby, ask if they have a preference of bar or restaurant. 

Who pays?

I believe the whole ‘the guy MUST pay on the first date’ perspective on dating very old-fashioned. If he does pay, great. However, I feel you should at least offer to pay your half. After your second or third date you could then take it in turns to pay. If it doesn’t work out and you go your separate ways, neither of you will feel guilty for wasting the other person’s money or time and that way you’re both equal.

Drop them a text

It’s always nice to receive a text later that evening saying the person had a great time with you. And if you did have a great time, tell them! Even if it means texting them first. Drop them a text saying something along the lines of ‘I had a great time, hope you got home safe x’. You have nothing to lose and the door to another date is opened.  The whole ‘Treat them mean, keep them keen’ never works in my opinion. And by waiting around you’re wasting your time.

Although if you want the person to chase after you just to be sure that they are interested, wait a day or so for them to text or call. Any longer than that then they probably aren’t that interested.

Sex on the first date?

Having sex on the first date doesn’t make you a slut. That rule is also so outdated. You are free to sleep with whoever as long as it’s consensual and legal. If there is sexual chemistry between the two of you, then go for it. Just remember that sleeping with a girl or guy to get them to ‘like’ you more is silly. By the end of the date, they would’ve decided if they see potential with you. Sex doesn’t always ‘confirm’ their feelings towards you. 

Finally, you must accept that there’s not going to be amazing chemistry with every person you meet. No matter how attractive they appear. I must admit, this took me a while. I hate rejection (who doesn’t?) but it’s not the worst thing to happen if a date goes wrong or they simply don’t want to see you again. Pick yourself up, it was probably nothing you did wrong- they just didn’t see another date on the cards.

Now, go get ‘em.

What rules would you add to the list? Have your say in the comments section below, on Facebook or on Twitter