The Kettle mix tape, Funky tunes to f**k to…

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I can’t help but put a little bit of loving with a little bit of music.

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I can’t help but put a little bit of loving with a little bit of music. Having chatted with a friend the other day on what tunes are best to lay down, when you wish to get down with your lady friend, I thought I would share our findings. And so in the words of Jack Black, here is my definitive list of ‘Funky tunes to f@#k too’.

Let us start as Tenacious D suggests; with a classic cliché and a ‘cool 70’s tune’.

10. Marvin Gaye: Sexual healing

Does exactly what it says on the tin, from the funky bass to elevator-cool keys ‘sexual healing is good for me’

9. Luther Vandross: If only for one night

You have to go with one of Mr. Vandross’ slower tracks and when the lyrics and crunchy snare kick in, the only thing I can imagine is laying down by the fire with the one you love.

8. Barry White: I’m gonna love you just a little more baby

No one can forget the king of baby making music himself, the walrus of Love, Mr. Barry White. Although his coolness may have taken a hit when South Park parodied his smooth ways with their character  ‘Chef’, the fact of the matter is that when the Walrus sings, he leaves women as wet as an otter’s pocket.

Too cheesy for you? My next selection is for those who prefer a dirty session to a kiss and caress. Some artists have based their carers solely around the celebration of sex and few have done that more-so than my next choice of songs to shake your stick at. 

7. Aerosmith: Falling in love (is hard on the knees)

Although his daughter is much easier on the eyes, the androgenous Steve Tyler has never been shy to show us his sexual side and this is shown in his lyrical choice on ‘falling in love’.

6. Red Hot Chilli Peppers: Suck my kiss

As with Steven Tyler, Anthony Keidis is no stranger to sex, having lost his viginity at the age of eleven to his fathers eighteen year old girlfriend, Keidis would go on to write the musical backdrop for the MTV generation, whilst at the same time becoming a sexual icon in his own right.

5. Motley Crue: Sex

Everything about Motley Crue says sex, even the title of this track. Screaming promiscuity; so long as you can keep the image of Tommy and Pamela Lee out of your head, you can’t go wrong here.

4. The Doors: My eyes have seen you

I have intentionally avoided the lizard king’s double entendre in ‘back door man’ and despite the fantastic story of Jim receiving a blow-job during the recording of ‘you’re lost little girl’ in order to soften his vocals, I just had to choose ‘My eyes have seen you’ for the sexual guitar solo. For me, no-one will ever match the sexual energy of Jim Morrison, with his excessively tight leather trousers and adoring fans, Jim embodied sex, drugs and rock-and roll.

All of the above are great for getting her in the mood, but as the lads can often be a little selfish, my top three serve the purpose of making sure you are completely and utterly lost in the moment.

3. Nick Drake: Things behind the sun

Just a beautiful song and a song which I believe should be shared. Also check out the Mars Volta cover, bizarre, but haunting .

2. Smashing pumpkins: Disarm

I have chosen one of pumpkins own tracks and a song with so much feeling, the orchestral composition really adds to the moment and washes over you. Also check out Billy Corgan’s cover of ‘If there is a God’.

1. Pink Floyd: The great gig in the sky

The spaced out, psychedelic styling’s of Pink Floyd really allow you to lose yourself, whether with your partner or just wanting to forget your troubles. I am personally a great fan of the ‘Division bell’ album and it was a toss-up between ‘What do you want from me’ and my top choice, but the vocals on ‘The great gig in the sky’ are second to none.