sex & relationships

The 9 home truths about having an older brother

Children Walking, Becky Lancashire, Student Life, Kettle Mag
Written by Becky Lancashire

For any little sisters out there like me, you’ll be well aware of the trials and tribulations that come with having an older brother. And for those of you who don’t, I assure you it’s not as easy as it first seems…

Sometimes you’re going to have to take the blame

From every spilt drink on the new carpet to smashing one of mum’s precious vases, you know that he has several years of experience of creating plausible excuses that you just don’t have. So, sometimes it’s just easier to bat those angelic little eyelids of yours and say: “Yes mum, it was me”. (You’re welcome, bro!)

You will learn very quickly how to be tough in this world

Because play fights with an older brother just don’t match up to that title. They’re not cute. They’re not playful. They. Are Brutal.

You’re going to get jealous

We all remember the days when he was allowed out for the first time with his friends and you had to stay inside in your spotty PJ’s. Or when he got to have an adult wristband on holiday for the first time and you didn’t… oh how we all remember the days of pretending you had Malibu in your coke to make yourself appear ‘cool’.

Your friends are going to fancy him

“Your brother’s soooo fit”, “Beck, he’s gorgeous”, “OMG is he single?!” Ladies, stop. If you’d heard his singing in the shower, or seen the state of his bedroom, I promise you would be no longer be swooning.

Sharing a room is a nightmare

Despite the fact that you love each other deep down, sharing a hotel room with a sibling doesn’t come with the same kind of loving compromise that sharing with a friend or partner has. A two week blissful holiday can very quickly turn into a fortnight of doom as soon as wardrobe space or snoring comes into the conversation.

You’re always going to be “so-and-so’s sister” (I do have a name!)

If I had a pound for every time I’ve been stopped in the street with the greeting “YOU’RE ANTHONY’S SISTER, AREN’T YOU?” I could probably afford to pack up my things and tour the world right away. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed or embarrassed, or anything like that. It would just be nice to be addressed by my own name every once in a while… I mean, would you like it if people shouted “YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE BIG ARSE AREN’T YOU?” To me, it’s the same principle.  

You might get mistaken for his girlfriend – gross!

I don’t know what’s worse; being the absolute spitting image of your older sibling, or sharing no similarities at all. For someone like me who doesn’t have the same eye colour, hair colour or, as a matter of fact, any similar features as my big bro; a walk to the shop to buy milk and bread can often result in several questions from friends about who my latest man is and why I’ve been keeping him a secret. Not cool!

You will have fancied at least one of his friends

It doesn’t matter who. It doesn’t matter when. All that matters is that he will never know!

He’ll always be your big brother!

Despite the good, the bad, and the absolutely horrendous things you both know about each other (including your gross habits), he’ll always be your go to guy, your best friend and your closest confident. Most importantly, he’ll always be your big brother!