sex & relationships

Should we talk to our partner during sex?

This is a topic of discussion I’ve come across a few times recently. In fact, it’s a topic that I’ve recently faced and questioned myself on? Now obviously, I’m not talking about discussing your day or how the weather is, I mean a more sexually based form of conversation.

Whether it’s casual sex or with a partner, talking during sex can vary between people. Now, if any of my family are reading this post, this is your warning to change your mind because this is going to become rather personal.

My experience

To give you some background information from my experiences, talking during sex is difficult and it frustrates me. I’m currently in a (kinda) long-distance relationship with my boyfriend and this topic has been brought up by myself a couple of times. Now this could be a huge generalisation on my part, but I feel women may be more apprehensive to speak dirty in the bedroom compared to men, as guys are generally more assertive.

My boyfriend, if he was to say something during our bedroom antics, would just blurt it out straight away. Whereas, I would think the thought, then constantly think over it to the point where I’m overthinking something really simple which would of course increase my pleasure. Luckily for me, this has been an issue that I’ve voiced with the other half and now he tries to encourage me to speak. One thing everybody, whether you’re male or female needs to remember, is that no matter what you say or ask for, it isn’t going to sound stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suddenly the queen of dirty talk, but I’m slowly progressing and its really about confidence. 

In my friendship group at university, my two best friends are in long term relationships over a couple of years, and even they have issues talking in the bedroom. And it seems to be a pattern which circles back to confidence and overthinking what you’re asking for. So what? You want to be spanked, or you want them to slow down or the opposite, if they don’t want to listen to you and complain, then that’s when there’s a real issue. 


Communicating can help

Communication is key in all aspects of a relationship. Sex is such a different activity compared to your usual day, there’s emotions flying everywhere, weird noises and fluids so the last thing we need is to be thinking of what we want and not following it through. A few weeks into dating my boyfriend, we both sat down and discussed what was on and off limits sexually, for me this is common place with new relationships. And this communication shouldn’t be restricted to translating to the bedroom while in the act.

Another key point I find about this is that, you also get a buzz when you’re asked to do something and you see the pleasure it brings. Without going into detail of course, but certain acts have had a endorphin rush on both parties, even if its just encouragement in that you’re enjoying what they’re doing. Some guys also find it rather sexy when a girl tells them what she wants, so why not embrace it, you might get a kick out of it.

Long story short, if you feel that you want to incorporate dirty talk into your sexual experiences, just have the mindset that you’re a man/woman who is entitled to be pleasured exactly how they want and only you are stopping that from happening. If it’s with a partner, just sit down with them and discuss introducing it into your sexual life and agree to encourage each other if you’re both happy with doing so.