sex & relationships

A message from a friend: don’t be ‘that couple’

We all know the drill. You go out for dinner with a group of friends, a big group- with the dreaded C word. The couple. While they have done nothing wrong and are just enjoying each other’s company, it is easy for them to completely piss their single friends off. Sitting smugly in the corner- it is not entirely clear what they are doing but it’s involving lots of touching, stroking and whispering. It looks dodgy.

While it’s all perfectly PG, it’s not how you’d act around your grandma, so why is it ok to do it around your friends? If you don’t want to be the two who are ditched by their crew for your cringe PDA behavior then here are some tips to avoid everyone hating you. 

1.    Stop trying to set your single friends up

Unless they explicitly ask, this is never ok. It’s on par with randomly offering your friend a new shop to go to, before advising her to completely change her whole wardrobe. It’s plain rude. Not only does it rarely go to plan but it can also frequently lead to causing genuine offence at insinuating that your friend needs a man/ woman in their life. 

2.    Keep it PG in public 

Not only are there usually children around, but it will make your friends feel genuinely uncomfortable. In my youth movement the code on sexual relations is that it shouldn’t be done in a situation where others will be made to feel awkward or uncomfortable. This is a rule that can, and should, be transferred to everyday life. Think how a younger sibling would feel if tagging along on your arrangement if you randomly stuck your tongue down your S.O’s throat. Have dignity and respect for yourself and those around you. Still unsure about the social boundaries concerning PDA’s? Find Taylor Fleischner’s tips on public affection here for more.

3.    Talk to your friends, not just your SO 

I have many friends who, from the second a boyfriend comes on the scene, are no longer interested in conversing. That is of course, unless he’s the subject of it. Please avoid this. Not only will your friends tire of hanging out with you but if one day the two of your do break up (which if you’re young, chances are you will) you won’t remember how to converse. 

4.    Keep your friends 

As with the prior advice, this may seem obvious but it’s so often forgotten. As relationships progress and reach a genuinely long amount of time, some people tend to forget who THEIR friends are and who they became buddies since they started dating. As with the previous advice, this can help you survive in the post-relationship 

5.    Don’t always expect them to be invited

There is nothing more annoying when throwing a party, with a number cap and having to waste an invite on your friends boring boyfriend/ girlfriend. Especially if they refuse to come if their S.O fails to receive an invite. Unless the invitee is a mutual friend, it’s plain rude. Especially if it’s for a birthday. Moreover if they’re providing drink. Booze is damn expensive- have some manners. 

6.    Do not EVER refer to them as ‘bae’ 

Almost as bad as adopting a racist/ homophobic nickname which you scream out in public. You’re not a 12 year old girl, so stop acting like one. Extra points if you walk into a room (without bae in) and scream out “WHERE’S BAE”. Assured to make you friends and help you scout out your next lover. 

7.    Don’t become defined by your partner

If you’re spending large amounts of time with any other person, you’re more than prone to pick up their habits, phrases and mannerisms but there’s a point in which you become an opposite gendered carbon copy of them. At that point, it’s plain odd to hang out with the two of you simultaneously. While finishing each others sentences may seem cute to you and seem like you know each other inside out, it’s just eerie and awkward to witness. Cool, you’ve both become immensely predictable and need to get out more- I could have guessed that without you ordering for her. Also, it makes sex sound like some sort of narcissistic expedition. 

8.    Respect your friends privacy

So many arguments are started by those in a relationship thinking everything told to them can therefore be passed on to the person they’re dating. This is fine with funny anecdotes or pointless gossip but there’s a boundary that so many cross. Many don’t even mean to. If you think they wouldn’t tell your SO, then it’s not your place to. 

9.    Avoid ‘couple outfits’ like the plague

Salt and pepper. Ying and Yang. Scooby and Shaggy. However hilarious or ‘adorable’ you think your outfit is, they’re not. Sorry. Please don’t leave the house in them. Not only will you be worthy of the death penalty by fashion law, you’ll have to wave good by to any ounce of dignity you have (which is probably scarce if you’re even contemplating a couple outfit). 

10.    Keep it casual 

While I was out with some friends who are dating, they managed to make a joke about how PDA they are. I felt spiritually awakened. For an atheist, this was the equivalent to god appearing in a dream. There is hope! Take note from them. Remember you’re young and in 5 years time you may look back on this relationship as you do 2010 Facebook posts- with a laugh at how young and naive you are. At least this time you don’t have an emo fringe to make matters worse.

What guidance would you add to the list? Have your say in the comments section below, on Facebook or on Twitter