student life

5 reasons why I hate me: An open letter of loathing

introspection, kettle mag
Written by April Fergus

1. You seem so confident. Laughing, joking, making so many new friends day after day, but they’re not friends. They’re your shield who you use to pretend you’re something you’re not and I hate that. Be honest, you hate conversation, your jokes cover up who you really are. You’re more than that because you’re me. Show the world you are nothing to be ashamed of.

2. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You give and give and never expect anything back and then you wonder why you have nothing left. Hold onto what you have, it’s a gift and you can’t hand it out to everyone who smiles. You’re special, never forget that.

3. You always have a plan of action. Delicate bullet points with times and dates, in your little multicoloured pens. And then surprise surprise, as if this hasn’t happened before, you procrastinate so hard that you kick yourself when you don’t follow it and the cycle goes on. Bend the rules, it looks good on paper but what’s the point when you stress yourself out. You do you, be more adventurous. The secret to success is to just say yes.

4. You give such good advice. People turn to you and they ask you for help because you are known as the one who knows everything. And that’s not a bad thing, you live with that. But you’d never follow it yourself. If someone helped you, you’d say; what do they know, they haven’t lived through it. You hypocrite. You go in and you make the same bad decisions and you never learn. Just like anything else, the heart can only be broken so many times before it just gives up. Stop or it’ll stop for you.

5. You’re smart. You put in the effort and it pays off but you never appreciate that fact. You think; there’s always better, there’s always higher, there’s always someone better than you. And you can’t live your life like that, you are you and that’s it. Live your own life.


And yet, for all these imperfections, we’re stuck together. There’s only so much advice that can be given, so much heartache that can be experienced. But for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, it’s us against the world and I’m with you. It’s the first step to anything; love yourself and I do.