Put a sock in it, you monster!

It is a sad sight. I’ve seen them in gutters, trees and curled up next to fences. They will probably never find their partners again. But who is behind this outrage?

I think I can answer one part of that question. The Sock Monster.


Blighting Lives

Unless you live in a very hot country or insist on never wearing socks I doubt the plague of the missing sock has ever blighted your life. But let me tell you, once you’ve done the deed of letting a pair of socks into your life you will undoubtedly be cursed within weeks, with one going missing.

Now when this happens the first time it is no big deal. “Ah”, you say to yourself, “It got left in the laundry basket, it’ll come through with the next wash…” And when it doesn’t you remember your mother offering those wise words of advice, “Check the filter on the washing machine or tumble dryer.” You do that; you dig out hair clips, bobbles, pound coins,rubber bands, bra wires (or should that be singular WIRE, trust me, I don’t think they are exempt either) but no socks. After years of this happening you no longer say “It’ll come through in the next wash”. You say: “Bloody Sock Monster!” Or words to that effect.

Matching socks,, Kettle Mag

Vicious circles

I have had bags of odd socks that hang on the back of various bedroom doors in various houses where I have lived that are a testament to the Sock Monster. Although I’ve never seen him (I shall refer to the Sock Monster as a him for ease of writing, but I do not know the gender,) I have seen the results of his work. Like a mother pacing anxiously up and down the hall waiting for their child to return from the first time you let them take the car out, I anxiously check these bags against socks coming through the wash…but alas. There are no pairs to be formed. How long do I leave the bag hanging there, bursting at the seams with odd socks? Normally til I move house…and then I donate them to a local playgroup so that the children can make sock puppets. Darn it! I’ve just realised the error of my ways. This is a vicious circle. Could a sock puppet become… a sock monster?


But why all the odd socks outside the houses? Those ones I mentioned at the beginning? Well I think this is brought about when families move away from the area. Maybe the socks that have escaped from the Sock Monster try and find their way home…which isn’t easy if you have no legs – which obviously odd socks don’t. They get so far and become disorientated. I have actually seen odd socks lying in the gutter next to empty cider cans…bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase legless.

So what is to be done?

Do not be de-feeted

There are net bags that you can wash your paired socks in. It’s not a guarantee that they will stay together, but it will help. You can pin them together each time you put them in a wash, but you’ll probably end up with holes in your socks, and safety pins in your filter. I’m not being much help here am I? Basically what I’m saying and the conclusion I’ve come to is this. The Sock Monster exists. End of. I’ve never seen him, but I know he exists.

The answer? Toe the line. Keep buying new pairs…just don’t become too attached.