current affairs

I’m Nadine Dorries MP – get me out of here….

Just in case you haven’t heard the story yet, Nadine Dorries is the MP for Mid Bedfordshire.

Just in case you haven’t heard the story yet, Nadine Dorries is the MP for Mid Bedfordshire. She was offered the opportunity to go on “I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!” and, being a media-hungry MP, (who, incidentally, used expenses to pay a public relations company £20,000) she said yes. This, of course, is ridiculous, because our taxes are paying her £65,700 a year plus expenses to be in the UK and represent her constituents, voting on laws that could decide the fate of the United Kingdom.

Not that the public salary issue stopped Nadine, or ‘Mad Nad’ as she is affectionately known. Or alternatively, “That crazy old bat Nadine Dorries”, as I have taken to calling her, slightly less affectionately. This is the MP who posted on her blog a number of untruths that had to be removed, then said “My blog is 70% fiction and 30% fact.” However, she later withdrew that remark too. On her blog. So presumably it is at least 30% fact? (Or, in other words, the words “My blog is fiction” are probably accurate.)

She has also proposed amendments and bills that are quite worrying. One of them argued for the promotion of abstinence to young girls, but no such requirement of the education provided to boys. Because all boys are irreparable rapists and paedos. Obviously. Another Dorries idea was that increased awareness of abstinence among young girls could lower rates of child sexual abuse.

Dorries has a reputation for being outspoken in her criticism of the government, once calling David Cameron and Nick Clegg “two arrogant posh boys who don’t know the price of milk,” which put everyone in the rather uncomfortable position of actually agreeing with Nadine Dorries.

Returning to the jungle, though. “I’m A Celebrity” is some of the most awful tosh that currently airs on television. Dorries isn’t going to bring politics to a wider audience; she’ll just be voted off. Politicians are supposed to have decorum about their office and a sense of pride in representing the people. This might not be the case with every MP, but disappearing on a TV holiday for a month and still hoping to be paid is pushing it a bit far.

Celebrities, including former Lib Dem MP Lembit Opik, have voiced support for Dorries. I honestly can’t see why. We finally got rid of the thing we most hated, why complain? Some argue that it is her choice – rather ironically, for an MP who spends most of her time campaigning against abortion, but still. Many think this might even be an opportunity to expand the experience of those in government. In the past, Dorries has been to Guinea with other MPs on an official visit (holiday) and this could be the second half of her international strategy.

The next parliament could see in a truly international government. David Cameron could do PMQs in a fez, and Nick Clegg could flog Persian rugs to tourists to help cut the deficit. That is, if Clegg weren’t already so busy doing Deputy Prime Minister’s Questions (me neither) and the PM weren’t so busy flogging tanks to the Arabs. Only to help with demolition and building work, though. Cameron justified the sales pitches, saying: “I saw it once on Top Gear, and thought it looked like a jolly good idea.

Assad added: “Yep, that’s… that’s definitely what the tanks are for. Construction. Definitely. I love Clarkson and May and that little girl, what is she called, Hamster?

Cameron is on his Middle East tour to sell British products. Having slightly neglected the car industry, his stop in Syria gave him the perfect opportunity to try to sell some new Range Rovers.

Hello there, I know you’re busy fleeing a tyrannical regime, but if I could have a moment of your time. For just £80,000, you could be fleeing in luxury, with all-leather upholstery, and powered along this possibly mined desert road by an impressive 375-horsepower 4.5 litre engine.

Surprisingly, I don’t think that went down too well. Rather like the Dorries fiasco. Hopefully Cameron will take the opportunity and sack her, before she decides to refer herself to The Impendent Commission on Decommissioning Celebrities and Jungle Transportation Infrastructure Investigation.