Tweedy Toff claws back – The puuurrrfect riposte

Kettlemag, Tweedy Toff, Frivolity, Naomi Duffree
Written by Naomi

Following Bella the Tibetan‘s interview with KettleMag, the cats on Twitter were up in paws. There was a clamour to end this argument regarding superiority of the species once and fur all. Tweedy Toff, a tabby cat of the highest class, agreed to grant an interview with Kettle Mag with the help of Kirstin, a staff member of the household. In this interview Tweedy gets his claws into the meat of the matter. We hope none of you will be offended by his cattitude. Especially if you are a dog. You have been paw warned.

You describe yourself on Twitter as an ‘Aristocat running the household Downtown’. What does this mean? Are you actually from royal stock?

Yes, I love a pun, and when it’s all very true (I run the household-what I say goes) it just seemed the puurfect title for me. Fitting.My mother had quite a modest upbringing-quite the cliché love story; she fell in love with someone who wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her. My father was actually a ‘stray’ but I am quite certain that he was originally from royal stock, yes.  I see my reflection when possible (naturally) and I can’t really see how I can’t be anything else.

Sometimes on Twitter you mention the the other furries and featheries that you share your house with. Can you tell us about these?

I wouldn’t really describe it as a ‘share’ situation. They do, unfortunately, inhabit the same space, indeed. I think there are currently 3 larger hens and 2 small, very edible bantams (that live dangerously close to my entrance) in the grounds. Of course they all have a sole purpose of laying eggs, a type of worker-I suppose. They do also provide entertainment occasionally, I often like to locate ones-self behind a strategically positioned shrub, and if the time comes, I pounce- just to see the flappy panic that inevitably will unfold.

The grounds also house a couple of Labradors, neither of which pose any threat. They’re rather hopeless creatures really; one is extremely old-I often eat her dinner if she forgets to, not because I enjoy it, but it’s the principle that I’m able to. The other is, to be honest, a little strange. She gets over excited about the word ‘walk’. She can walk, I can walk, and it just seems a little odd. When I get hungry due to food not being delivered on time, I often choose to take it out on her-she definitely has the best reaction when I jump onto her face and grab both her ears.

How do you view the humans who live with you?

By humans, I’m assuming you mean the staff? They deliver the food. I like that. One of them often takes photos of me, I always look good, so that’s nice.

How does a typical day unfold in your household?

I awake as soon as there are staff about-this is my first feed time. After that I often venture out to explore the grounds, and sometimes further afield, depending on the weather of course. When I return later there is quite often a pile of clean clothes that the staff place in a basket for me to sleep on. If they have failed to do this I wander upstairs and choose a bedroom to lounge in. At about 4 o’clock the staff usually get some milk out for me -I don’t know why they sometimes resist this -they end up using it for putting it in tea anyhow so I like to think if it wasn’t me who reminded them, they would forget! When I fancy my own tea I just make myself known to the nearest staff member, and I get fed. Sometimes if I time it right, and that member of staff that fed me goes out, I can get a second tea from a different one. I often don’t finish this, but it’s nice to know I can fool them if I so wish.

Are you happier doing the crossword or watching television?

Personally, I prefer not to do either. The only crossword I ever attempted wasn’t a success; my name didn’t fit into any of the given boxes, so I think that was the papers mistake. As for television, I don’t see the attraction really-how they get those people and things into such a small box is not realistic- I don’t think it’s actually real.

Do you like to read? If so, what is your favourite book?

Definite favourite is ‘The Master and Margarita’ by Mikhail Bulgakov. A classic, and a must read, starring an outrageous and inspiring feline.

How would your best friend describe you?

I don’t really do ‘best friends’, friends require commitment and time, neither of which I can guarantee. However, if I was to make some effort, I am sure I would be inundated with ‘friend requests’. I would like to think that a friend may describe me simply as a legend.

You will have seen that @Bellathe Tibetan in KettleMag last month has won awards and been on the stage, mentioned in books…does any of this appeal to you?

I don’t particularly feel the need for my life to be made public, however, I do think it would be a nice thing for me to do, allowing them to see the life, and share the experiences of a cat as fantastic as me.

If you did write a book about your life, what would you call it?

Magnificent me.

It appears that following Bella’s appearance in Kettle there was a bit of a furry dust up on twitter? What are your general feelings towards dogs?

They’re funny. A source of entertainment.

What three things do the dogs in your household admire about you?

That’s an interesting question, and to specify only three (of what I imagine could be a thousand plus) is difficult. My looks would have to be up there-I wake up, I look amazing, I go to sleep, I look amazing. Another would have to be my ability to have power in every situation-I notice the dogs are very much within the staffs grasp, they have a routine run by the staff, whereas I run the staff routine. Perhaps the third most evident one would be my freedom-I go where I like, when I like.

Your tweets occasionally show the dogs in a humiliating light. Would you agree with this description?


Why do you think the country divides itself into cat or dog lovers. Is it possible to love both?

Hmm, I have heard that some humans like dogs and dislike cats. Its people like these that need to be contained I think. Nothing too sinister, but I feel that they should be together, and separate from others, it’s unhealthy for these people to roam where their views could influence others. I believe you can get a human that likes both-it would just have to be for very different reasons-the dogs would be liked as a source of entertainment, and I don’t blame these humans.

What is the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done?

I don’t especially think I have done anything naughty-I don’t have rules. I did once spend the afternoon fishing in a nearby pond, this caused quite the stir with the staff because I caught a large fish and I think they must have been jealous, they’re quite valuable I hear.

I read the other week that Japan has invented wine for cats,  ‘Nyan Nyan Nouveau’ (which translates as ‘meow, meow’), so that your ‘owners’ -if you’ll pardon the expression- don’t have to drink alone. Your thoughts?

Owners is an expression I’ve never understood, but that is a different matter all together I suppose…

Yes, I don’t think I shall be trying any Nyan Nyan Nouveau,I prefer port. I also hate the idea of a ‘cat lady’-I get the impression this wine is aimed at them (those who have been stereotyped as unable to find human companions and as a consequence settle for a house full of cats). 1. Humans don’t settle for cats, cats settle for humans, and 2.What makes the inventors of this idea think a cat will want to drink with a human unable to find a companion of the same simple minded species?


What is your favourite food?

I enjoy salmon. Poached.

Is catnip as good as you cats make out?

I am not really partial to catnip. However, I do know of cats that adore it. We each have personal tastes of course.

What is the one thing that you would change about your household?

I would quite like a room dedicated to the shoe box. I like to sleep in boxes. Though nothing special, I think it grounds me. A way to ‘keep it real’, its odd, I’ve always liked a box, and at the moment, there isn’t ALWAYS a box to sit in.

Where do you like to sleep?

That greatly depends on the weather and time of day. In the evening I enjoy my chair in the sitting room, at night I have 3 chairs in the kitchen, each with my own blanket, knitted by the Grandmother staff member. In the day, if the sun is out, I enjoy basking on the patio or a windowsill, if the weather isn’t so pleasant, I like to choose one of my bedrooms to sleep in, it just depends on staff locations and the bed sheets-I am quite particular on patterns and colours when it comes to my sleeping arrangements! Of course, as I’ve mentioned, if there is a box going, I like to lounge in that.

What is your favourite hobby, apart from bird watching?

Lounging and eating. Are those hobbies? I think so…

Can you explain #jellybellyFriday that trends on twitter?   

On Twitter we cats like to show off our bellies…well we like to show everything off since we are gorgeous. The #jellybellyFriday gives us yet another excuse to show us in a gorgeous light. Rather like #kittyloafMonday when we get into the shape of a loaf. It just goes to show how versatile we are.

What is your philosophy on life?

They say cats have nine lives. I’m living all nine at once, when I want to, as I want to -a way I think more should.

Our greatfurl thanks to Tweedy Toff for this adorapawl interview. If you wish to follow Tweedy you can find him on twitter @tweedy_toff