Five foods that are a waste of space

Some foods are just a waste of space. You know the ones; foods that are… fine, I suppose… but they don’t leave your tastebuds jumping for joy, and eating them wastes precious space in your stomach that you could have filled up with something more delicious and satisfying. Or foods that other people get ridiculously, inexplicably excited for, but leave you cold. Because they’re disgusting. I don’t know what your waste-of-space foods are, but below are some of mine, along with their tastier alternatives.

Feta cheese: the surest way to ruin a salad. It has the aroma & taste of solidified vomit. #foodhell #whywouldyouputthatinyourmouth
— Rebecca Howarth (@firefly05) May 1, 2014

1. Grapefruit

Some people, like me, have the genetics that make grapefruit taste really bitter and gross. To those people, I say: if you have to cover a food in sugar in order for it to be edible, just don’t eat it! Don’t do that to yourself. Have a banana or an apple instead. Bonus points if you combine slices of them with peanut butter.

Image: XKCD

2. Christmas pudding

Why. Who on earth came up with the bright idea of pouring alcohol all over a food and then setting it on fire? Was the pudding just so dense and boring that they decided they could only eat it if they got smashed in the process? Or perhaps they were trying to destroy this monstrosity and in so doing accidentally invented a ridiculous tradition. The fire is fun, but this food should not be eaten. Save yourself some time and just drink some unadulterated booze instead.

“wheee” ? #Xmaspudding #Christmas this is actually from 2 yrs ago but w/e https://t.co/fOOEpq5bGz
— rental snake (@alittledivided) January 11, 2015

3. Fruitcake

In the same vein, fruitcake is also gross. Fruit is nice. Cake is nice. Put them together, and you just make them both worse! Why have cooked fruit when fresh is so much nicer? Why take up valuable space in a cake with stuff that isn’t cake? And what’s the deal with fruitcake being so dense? I’d take a lighter cake with a side of fresh strawberries over a fruitcake any day.

4. Sweetcorn

This food is a small yellow disappointment. It promises to be sweet, but either it does not deliver or it is so sweet as to be sickly and disgusting. Why would anybody ever have sweetcorn when corn on the cob is just so much better? Why would you ever choose sweetcorn over a food that it’s socially acceptable to slather in butter and make a huge mess with when you eat it?

The reality is only the starch is digested. The rest ends up in the toilet. #sweetcorn
— Rotten Spillage (@TwitJonnyRotten) November 7, 2015

5. Fancy Chocolates

Strawberry crème. Praline. Boozy chocolates. These fancy fillings take up precious space that could be filled with more chocolate! Maybe I’m just picky about what should and shouldn’t go with chocolate, but when I peer into a selection of fancy chocolates only to find that the majority of them contain ingredients that I’m not interested in sampling, I do wonder what the point is. Peanut butter or salted caramel or bust. In other words, just get a big bar of something you really like!