Don't talk! Read my badge.

It came to light this weekend that a pregnant commuter was asked, by a fellow passenger on the tube, where her baby was. It wasn’t that she was pushing an empty pram, holding an invisible bundle or anything out of the ordinary. She was in fact wearing a ‘Baby on Board’ badge; the ones that Transport for London (TfL) freely give to women who may suffer from pregnancy effects which could include sickness, swollen ankles, fainting, sciatica or extreme tiredness. These badges have proved extremely useful to passengers ever since TfL introduced them in 2005 – and not just the pregnant ones. It can be useful to those who sometimes worry about offending people by having to ask if they would like a seat. (Think about it: Does that person think I’m old or pregnant?)

Just when I am about to think chivalry is dead.. A nice young man gives me his seat.. If only someone would every day! #babyonboard
— Emily JJ (@Lady_Wulfruna) October 20, 2015

It is a well-known fact that nobody likes to talk to people on the tube…so why not let’s all wear a badge and help get our messages across. The Baby on Board badge is after all an excellent idea and on this point I have come up with a list of ten badges that TFL should also bring out to aid tube travellers of all ages.

I’ll be interested to see what happens on a peak train with my badge! #givemeaseat #babyonboard #peaktime #Trains
— sia kiwa (@siakiwa) October 12, 2015

1) I’ve been partying all night

A useful badge for students coming home in the early hours who want to take up at least three seats on their journey home. No need to disturb them when one can see the reason they are sprawled over the seats.

2) I’m going to throw up

Useful for all concerned here. Give the person space.

3) I had garlic last night, washed down with copious pints of gassy lager

This is a god-send and would probably get you a carriage all to yourself never mind some personal space.

My wrap with salad, humous, raw onion & garlic was delicious but not appreciated by rest of household #GarlicBreath #GarlicFarts
— No Sheds (@NoSheds) October 17, 2015

4) Am I on the wrong line?

This would save the passenger having to ask every time the tube pulled into a station where he was. Other passengers could just repeat the announcer’s spiel that the traveller failed to hear while he was looking at the map for the 8th panicky time.

5) I’m reading the paper not listening to your conversation

This speaks for itself. It would save other passengers looking shiftily around while they try to confess what really went on at that all night party that the guy asleep on the seats four points back has been to.