When did we all start becoming so slobbish? It seems the days when we ever did anything for ourselves are long gone.
When did we all start becoming so slobbish? It seems the days when we ever did anything for ourselves are long gone. It’s funny when you think about it, our grandparents used to hand wash their clothes, grow their own veg, and heated their houses by lighting a fire (most likely by rubbing two sticks together—lighters didn’t exist back then). Nowadays we have washing machines that will most likely do the dishes as well if we ask them kindly enough.
The veg we buy from Tesco is already chopped, and I’m sure it can’t be long before they start selling it ready cooked. And due to the glory of central heating and double glazing, our houses are so hot that sometimes we actually complain, “It’s like an oven in here, who left the bloody heating on??” You could probably fry an egg on my radiator most nights—I actually don’t have a clue how to turn it down. Finding out would be far too much of an effort though wouldn’t it? I’m way too busy to be worrying about things like that, loading the dishwasher, putting my electric toothbrush onto charge and sticking dinner in the microwave.
Not so long ago, people saw cooking as a way to stave off starvation. Nowadays it’s something we do on a Sunday if we aren’t too hung over. We stick a roast on and pat ourselves on the back saying, “It’ll be worth the effort when it’s finally cooked!” For most of us though, Sunday won’t involve any cooking at all nowadays. Sunday is takeaway day, and you only have to look out your front window and see all the delivery men on scooters to realise this. Being the slobs that we are now, we congratulate ourselves if we manage to lay the table, and let’s face it we only do that to appease the guilt that arises from spending the entire day on the sofa watching box sets. I actually caught myself thinking that this was productive a few weeks ago. Having watched nearly 10 episodes of a show I’m too embarrassed to name, I actually felt a sense of achievement, like I’d really done something with my day.
Ordering a takeaway was almost beyond me after that marathon. Where on earth would I find the energy to do that?! If you live with a partner or friend this is where things get interesting. Who becomes the commander in chief of takeaway ordering? Who has the courage to pick up the phone and actually talk to another human being? Simple, no one does. You order online. Gone are the days of the family breadwinner, nowadays we have the noble menu reader and the intrepid door answerer instead.
Not surprisingly, this type of slobbish agoraphobic behaviour doesn’t lead to many of us keeping fit. That’s not to say we don’t join the gym, most of us do. The problem is the majority of us see the gym solely as an alternative to the pub on a Monday night, a place to go when you are so bored of your own sofa you can’t bear another night in. That’s if you actually make it there because let’s face it, there are a whole host of distractions which could drag you off course beforehand. You might have had a tough day at work, which nine times out of ten means a straight red card for the gym. No arm twisting needed here most of you will agree. Nine hours of your boss giving you grief is an instant hall pass from any gym related plans. Similarly if a friend rings you up with relationship problems you’re hardly going to leave him or her in the lurch are you? No, that’s a hall pass my friend.
So how are we supposed to keep ourselves from becoming complete slobs? Here slobs are my top five tips:
1. Veto the remote control.
Now I know this sounds utterly ludicrous but if you have a TV that will still allow you to change the channel without one, ditch the clicker. The amount of ground you’ll cover doing the 3 foot shuffle between the sofa and the TV will equate to a small to medium sized run in the space of one Sunday afternoon. You can have some fun with this as well, why not hide the remote from your partner?? And watch them get fit whilst you put your feet up and laugh at them as they turn your living room upside down??
2. Go on a pub crawl.
Sitting in the same old pub every day is just plain lazy. Why not organise a pub crawl so you get some exercise as you move from one watering hole to the next?? If you’re feeling really adventurous you could play drinking games and really exert some energy!
3. Go to Pizza Hut.
Obviously this sounds utterly ridiculous but surely walking to the Hut is healthier than ordering in??
You don’t have to go all Patrick Swayze on this but if you are in a bar and everyone else is doing it, don’t sit in the corner moaning about how much you miss your sofa.
5. Avoid the gym.
Anywhere with a swimming pool downstairs is essentially a holiday resort. Holidaying = slobbish behaviour, end of.
So there you have it, my top five tips, if you have managed to get this far. I very much doubt that though as any other slob would have fallen asleep by now or gone off to do something more interesting like order a takeaway.
If you can be bothered, that is.